Mediate

Mediate. Try not to hate. But… You haven’t spoken to our children for over three months. Rather than talking to them, you’re making them discuss their worries and concerns with a stranger. Because you can’t face the hurt you’ve caused them and continue to cause them.

4 AM

I can’t sleep. I’m sat in the dark. Drinking tea. Mind racing. Heart racing. Writing. The doctor prescribed beta blockers to help ease the panic attacks… I am scared to try them. I have sleeping pills too… I am scared to try them. I do not want to have rely on medicine to get me…

So What

Another fucking wedding anniversary. 23 years today. I was so sure last year would be the last. So sure. I never imagined the divorce would drag on and on like it is doing. It is scandalous that the legal process is so slow and costs so much. Ridiculous! Unlike last year, where I still felt…

Say Goodbye

Over the last few months, I have made so much progress. I've confronted my demons. Let the sadness out. Dealt with the pain properly. It hasn't been easy. In fact, it's been fucking hard. But it was necessary. Yesterday, at the first court hearing, I confirmed to myself just how far I have come. Of…

Battle

The other night I was messing around on Facebook… one of my guilty pleasures I haven’t had time for recently. This app popped up… what will be the most important thing to happen to you this month… most people in my news feed were getting ‘you’ll meet a special man’.  I got the above… you’ll…

Save you

According to Turin Brakes: ‘time will save you, there’s no need to save yourself.’ I would like to believe this. Yet, as time goes on, being ‘saved’ seems to go further out of reach. The pressures of being a single parent. The money worries. The ongoing divorce battles. Over time, all these things become harder…

Crash

Thirteen months today since the bomb was dropped.  And I’ve finally crashed. Throughout, the rollercoaster has been a wild ride; some days I’ve struggled to cope. But I always have. I have always picked myself up and bounced back. Not this time. I suspected it may happen. Feared it would. But hoped it wouldn’t. Hoped…